I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
