do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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