Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
