Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
