I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
