Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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