I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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