I just pynch a tree in the face
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
