when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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