I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize