We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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