and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
