official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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