the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
