last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The air was thick with penises
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
