Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
