Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
