we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
