i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize