My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
