dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
