i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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