I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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