Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
