R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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