Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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