take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
