Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i dont even know how to be here
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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