Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
