i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
