i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
this will be a night to untag.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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