So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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