I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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