I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two words: blizzard sex
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My bed smells like the plague
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
