new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
