I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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