I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish I only lived at night.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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