her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
