is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
