I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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