I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
