I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
