JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
