K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
