I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
