Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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