I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
