Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
