Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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