I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize