I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
