Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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