Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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