just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
