My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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