the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
