I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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