i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
