Banned from zoo.
Again?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
