Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
