how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My feet surprised me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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